he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
