Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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