it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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