I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
