I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
