I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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