their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
