i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
