take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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