i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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