and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
