You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
