Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
