Pappa wants mamma naked
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
