Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
