I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
