i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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