rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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