i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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