Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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