First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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