Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
