Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
