can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
