everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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