I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
