I heard we made out
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
