The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
