I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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