hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
