just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
