i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
