Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
