I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can't motorboat a personality
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
