she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
