**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
