My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The uberlube is also flammable
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
