the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
