Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
