Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
