Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
