drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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