Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
