Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
