I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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