you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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