So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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