you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
