we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
