Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
