Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
