don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
