Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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