Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.