I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.