Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
In America we eat man semen.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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