Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
