So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
