if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
