i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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