So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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