shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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