he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
