Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
