I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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