We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
