so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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