There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
