1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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